New Yawk, NY-- Rosie O'Donnell is the surprise choice to play the new Dr Who on the epic British science-fiction show. The portly entertainer will be the first American, the first female and the first lesbian for the legendary show that began in 1964.
Rosie is hoping to bring new life to the ancient show, and plans to add some sexual tension, as well. Some of her TARDIS 'companions' will be Clay Aiken and Boy George. The thespian lesbian thinks gay entertainers have been under-represented in the show.
"I'm gonna f&ck a Dalek!" boasted the brazen bulldyke on her banal blog. "I'm gonna screw its brains out!" bellowed the brainless behemoth on Abscess Hollywood.
Producers of Dr. Who have told Rosie she doesn't need to report to the wardrobe department, her outlandish clothes will be strange enough. The mammoth moron says she will change her hairstyle though for the new show.
"I'm gonna get a butch hairdo, like a had a few years ago, real scary." mouthed the mammoth moron as she munched on a moose burger. "I'm gonna use the same scarf Tom Baker wore. It should just be long enough to fit around my waist!"
Producers of the show will need to put an extra door on the TARDIS to accommodate Rosie's girth.
"I can't get my butt through that police-box door! Those skinny-ass Brits gotta get real!' exclaimed the excitable endomorph as she ate another moose burger.