Hollywood, CA- It's official: vitrol-spewing, hate-filled harpy Ann Coulter's biography, Diary of a Meth-Addicted, Pre-Op Transexual will be made into a movie with the same name.
The journals were written by Coulter from the ages of twelve to thirty. In it, the young Ann (who's birth name is actually Andy) pours her heart out about how she felt like a girl trapped in a boy's body.
The journals also chronicle her confused and turbulent adolecence, her decision to live as a woman permanently,her brief and very unsucessful stint as a topless dancer, her ongoing battle with crack and methamphetimne addiction and her rise to one of the most hated people in America.
In January 2002 the journals were delivered to Simon & Schuster Publishers by a man who introduced himself as one of Coulter's many former assistants. It was later determined the man was in fact a ex-lover of the she-beast.
Coulter vehemently denies writing the journals, just as she denies she is a victim of one of the least sucessful and convincing sex change operations of all time. During an appearence on "Off the Record With Greta Van Sustersen," Coulter had this to say about her gender identity:
"Listen to me you Godless, liberal, America-hating, half-paralyzed cunt! I am all woman and anyone who says different is an America-hating, Godless liberal terrorist! I do not have an Adam's apple! It's just a swollen gland! I'm sick!"
Controversy raged for years over the authenticity of the journals. However, in June of this year a commitee of 27 specialists including handwriting analyists, grammar analyists, witch doctors, water dowsers, and other experts in obscure and arcane fields of 'science' confirmed that it was in fact written by Ann Coulter and no one else.
As soon as Diary of a Meth-Addicted, Pre-Op Transexual hit the bookstores it was an instant best-seller.
According to those in the know, there were plans to make it into a movie almost immediately. Although every movie director in town were clamoring for the film, it was decided by big-wigs in the industry that only one man was truly qualified to direct Diary of a Meth-Addicted, Pre-Op Transexual: Michael Moore.