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Friday, 12 December 2008

image for NASA Says Oprah Major Menace To Earth
A Picture Of Oprah From Space

Washington DC-- NASA scientist rang the alarm bells today about Oprah Winfrey. They are very concerned about her weight and believe she threatens the Earth. The talk-show queen's weight has ballooned since the election. Her estimated weight is now 1 trillion metric tons. She is the first person in history to have a BMI of 1,000,000. NASA is concerned her density could reach that of a neutron star and endanger the planet's existence.

"Oprah's gravitational effects are already noticeable. The moon is already 12% closer because of her mass." said NASA spokesman Dr. Karl Saygun. "Tides are already much higher on all coastlines and major flooding is expected."

NASA is concerned Oprah could become as dense as a neutron star if she continues to feast. A neutron star her size in Chicago would be calamitous.

"When you compact 1,000 metric tons of organic material into a 1.4 meter tall woman every second, strange things begin to happen. Atoms collapse and the fabric of space and time itself folds. This monster must be stopped or we are all doomed!" he cried.

Dr. Saygun believes Oprah's incredible appetite comes from an unrequited desire for Barack Obama. If she is satiated she may stop eating.

"Barack, please, please make the ultimate sacrifice and just boink the behemoth." asked Dr. Saygun in an emotional plea. "Forget global warming, do your booty duty and satisfy this fat sow, before it's too late."

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