Written by Jesus Budda
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Monday, 8 December 2008

image for Boy Glues Pictures of Vanessa Hudgens to his Hand. Says it's the best Sex he's Never had.
I'm ready for my close-up, Vanessa!

14-year old Billy Bummer from Asshole, Mississippi says he has glued a picture he tore from a teeny magazine of High School Musical hotty Vanessa Hudgens to his hand and uses it as "inspiration" for marathon wanking sessions behind the bike shed at his local school.

Billy - a slow boy with interest in learning fuck all - says Hudgens' "presence" makes him feel "lovely and nice all over".

"It's like I'm right there on the set of High School Musical", says Billy, "except wanking a lot with Vanessa Hudgens stuck to my hand".

Billy has described the sensation as being the "best sex he's never had".

"I'm still a virgin. I expect to stay that way fro quite some time. Eventually I hope to be able to glue a 'real' girl to my hand. That's my dream - that and turning into a Transformer", says Billy.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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