A spoof writer has reacted quickly to criticism that a report about the X Factor contestant Diana Vickers "shitting her knickers" was, in fact, pure fabrication, by informing the story's author, Monkey Woods, that he must exercise a greater degree of professionalism when writing crap like this in the future.
The story, which stated that 17-year-old Miss Vickers had reacted to her shock ousting from Saturday evening's show by "dribbling cack down her legs" was, according to spoof magnate Sir Mark Lowton:
"Filth of the very worst kind."
Owner of TheSpoof.com, Sir Lowton also said that he would be speaking to the author with a view to disciplining him, and might award him extra points, though this report is, as yet, unsubstantiated.
Woods has already apologised to Miss Vickers, and made this statement earlier:
"I apologise unconditionally to that girl who murdered the Dido song. Contrary to my earlier claim, she did not shit her knickers. In fact, she wasn't wearing any."
So that readers can judge for themselves, here is the earlier story.
Rubbish, wasn't it?