Written by Monkey Woods
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Sunday, 7 December 2008

image for Diana Vickers Shits Her Knickers
This member of the audience got some around her lips

Viewers of ITV's X Factor were shocked and stunned last night, when singing sensation Diana Vickers was eliminated from the competition, and, in front of milllions watching on TV, promptly shit her knickers.

Show host Dermot O'Leary caught some of the mess on his trousers as he tried to get out of the way, and the embarrassed Lancashire lass was marched away with the foul-smelling brown cack dribbling down her legs.

Diana, 17, from Blackburn, had earlier failed to impress with her choice of songs, Avril Lavigne's Girlfriend, and the Dido hit White Flag, and was then 'caught short' by the public's reaction.

Head judge and tosspot, Simon Cowell, said:

"I wasn't really impressed with her second song, White Flag, but it does contain the line: 'I will go down with this shit', and she did."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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