NUSSBAUM, La. -- Britney Spears has announced she is the queen of show business and will reign until her death.
The young pop star made the announcement with great theatrics, using a stage, lights, fireworks and lip-syncing the text, prepared for by her management.
"It is time," said a spokesman from Britney's management, "for Britney to take her true place in show business."
Critics are apt to agree that Britney is ready for the throne, even though she has not conquered a movie career or the legitimate theater.
"Screw those things," said her management. "Cher may have won an Academy Award as well as received claim for a role on Broadway, just like Streisand, but times have changed. The queen of show business doesn't have to be that talented anymore."
Critics agreed. One said, "Talent isn't the issue any longer, really. Anyone can reign."
As well, Mick Jagger commented by noting that The Rolling Stones proclaimed themselves the world's greatest rock and roll band and no other bands, certainly not better ones, challenged the title.
"Britney will be hard to dethrone," said a former boyfriend, who knows about trying to get Britney to do things she does not want to.