Written by Monkey Woods
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Thursday, 4 December 2008

image for Freddie Starr Ate My Ham Sandwich

Police were called to the home of former 'comedian' Freddie Starr last night, after a diner at a Manchester delicatessen alleged that Mr Starr sat down uninvited at his table and stolen his meal.

Reg Bogg, 38, had gone to The Grease Ball Cafe in Levenshulme, after he realised he was feeling "a bit peckish". He ordered the house speacial - a ham sandwich, with egg and lettuce, and a cup of hot, steaming tea, and added a smidgen of salt - to the sandwich, that is.

As he prepared to eat the tasty bap though, a man pulled up a chair beside him, and struck up a conversation with Bogg, which he says:

"seemed to be an attempt at comedy."

Mr Bogg asked the uninvited guest, who he recognised as Starr, if he wouldn't mind leaving the table, as he much preferred to eat alone. This was due to his disgusting table manners, which include eating with his mouth open, dribbling, belching and farting.

Starr merely grinned back, then reached for Bogg's butty, before swallowing it whole, leaving its owner both startled and shocked.

Bogg alerted the manager, and both later made statements to the police.

Bogg, an unemployed layabout, said:

"FREDDIE STARR ATE MY HAM SANDWICH!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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