Written by Monkey Woods
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Wednesday, 3 December 2008

image for Freddie Starr's Hamster Ate Mine, Says Neighbour

RSPCA inspectors were called in to an emergency this week, when a man living next-door to ex-comedian Freddie Starr claimed his hamster had been eaten by one belonging to the faded comic.

Hubert Umbro, 79, told the pet-lovers that he had allowed his pet rodent the freedom of his back garden last Wednesday afternoon, whilst he cut his grass before winter truly set in.

His neighbour, Starr, was in his own back garden, asleep in a deckchair despite the freezing temperatures, and had allowed his pet hamster, Hammy, 14, to roam freely around the lawn, albeit on a 25-foot leash.

Umbro claims he "must have fallen asleep or summat", and when he awoke, his hamster, Bertie, 18 months, was nowhere to be seen. He immediately consulted Mr Starr, who laughed and informed him in no uncertain terms:

"Hammy's eaten Bertie!"

Umbro called the RSPCA, and inspectors arrived within days to conduct a search of the area, but were unable to locate the pesky varmint, and concluded that he might, indeed, have been gobbled-up by Mr Starr's beast.

It's not the first time that Freddie Starr has been involved in a hamster-eating incident.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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