Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Wednesday, 3 December 2008

image for Rosie O'Donnell's version of a New Variety Show "Rosie Live" canceled
Rosie gets canceled, again. Ironically for keeping her big mouth silent with singing.

Hollywood, California - Promoted to the tune of a catchy jingle that promised viewers that if they tuned into the new variety show "Rosie Live" hosted by Rosie O'Donnell they could expect a train wrack or meltdown of controversy was dropped by NBC today. As the show received a preliminary 1.2 share rating among 18-49 year-olds meant the network would not be picking up the TV show.

"We were expecting a firestorm of controversy man," said a network executive. "Instead all we got was 'Ding, ding, ding goes the trolley."

Apparently, when O'Donnell was signed for the TV show, network executives thought they had an understanding that she would be the next Rush Limbaugh, only for the left.

"We would have settled for a Jerry Springer knockoff," said a network executive. "No body watches O'Donnell for her singing talents, because she has none. People tuned in expecting a fight. To see who O'Donnell is going bash for having an opinion different from her own. She really let everybody down, acting so normally."

"What the hell happen?" said a devoted Rosie fan. "Did Rosie attend rage management classes? I had to keep flipping the channel because I thought I was watching a Perry Como Christmas special. I kept having to pinch myself to stay awake."

Network executives first realized the show was in trouble from the start by the guests O'Donnell had lined up.

"Liza Minnelli, Clay Aiken and Alec Baldwin. Oh, come on now! Obama won. The country gets it. Move on now, okay," said one 42-year-old male viewer of the show. "Couldn't she book anyone that didn't think just like her? I never saw so much head nodding in my life. They all looked like those little toys that bob their heads up and down at the slightest touch."

Reportedly, ratings even fell among gay males, O'Donnell's hardcore fans. As they complained the constant barrage of show tunes was too much, even for them.

"Look, I'm gay," said Roger Hemming, a homosexual. "So show tunes run in my vanes but to have O'Donnell host a variety show where she has a legitimate reason to sing? No body's that gay."

"I liked Rosie O'Donnell better when she sang show tunes as a transition leading either into or away from something controversial. And by that I mean someone having made the near fatal mistake of expressing their own opinion opposite to hers," said another gay male and now former O'Donnell fan. "Then you could really feel the tension building up in the air. It gave the loving show tunes she sang an underlining current of irony contrasted with that jen-a-say-qua of 'Oh, my God! She's gonna blow!"

Producers were so desperate to save the show that at one point they resorted to using a split screen.

"Not even that worked," said one of the show's producers. "O'Donnell just sat there with a big smile on her face as her show tanked."

No word from O'Donnell on what she plans to do next.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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