Written by Andrew J. Horne
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Topics: New York, boring

Thursday, 10 June 2004

image for Children's Puppet Show Boring, Childish, and Offensive Say Adults
Publicity Photo Taken Before The Infamous 11pm Show

Critics throughout New York are in an uproar over the scientific and historical inaccuracies of Avenue Q, a new theater show targeted towards children under the age of five.

Veteran reviewers claimed the performance offered little more than a collection of basic math and science lessons, failing to offer the complex social commentaries they've come to expect from the theater.

"They would have us believe," chuckled Xander Hoffman, a local gay theater critic, "that these balls of cloth have somehow become self-aware and are unhesitently accepted as equals in a community of humans. It's simply ridiculous!" Hoffman went on to criticize the likelihood that such a sentient puppet would fail to notice a human arm buried deep in its rear end. "If this is some kind of knock against the homosexual community, I am definitely not amused," he exclaimed.

The creators, Dick Wolf and Barry Levinson, who worked together on Homicide: Life on the Street and 17 versions of the Law and Order Franchise, failed to respond to audience booing after the 11pm final show. Charges of racism were hurled at the stage, referencing the portrayed low intelligence of the blue and green-skinned puppets. "When I saw the blue-skinned, round-nosed puppet in a business suit, "commented Barney Fisher, "I could not help remembering the many racial stereotypes that I've endured throughout my life, hardly the light-hearted romp the brochure would have us believe."

Over a dozen feminist groups throughout the city have justifiably accused the creators of blatant sexism, obviously referencing the small stature of the sole female puppet. When Levinson fired back that the reason for the smaller height was due both to stature of the female puppeteer and some scientific nonsense about the average gender height differential, Beverly Angeloo, president of the moderate political group AMAP (All Men Are Pigs), yelled "That's right Levinson. Always blame the woman!"

Never have so many different ideological groups united against a single performance. When handed a petition signed by over four thousand New Yorkers insisting that the multimillion dollar production be discontinued, Wolf angrily responded, "Blow me. I was just trying to teach some kids a little math. I never intended to win a mother-[expletive deleted] Tony award, you god-[expletive deleted] freaks."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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