Written by Ilona Ronay
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Topics: Women, Supermarkets

Wednesday, 9 June 2004

Hordes of dieting women rioted yesterday at all major supermarket chains upon learning that Hershey's had ceased manufacturing Tastetations sucking candies.

Available in chocolate, caramel, and butterscotch, Tastetations had long been used by millions of women who wanted to avoid eating high-fat, high-calorie desserts yet maximize the illusion that chocolate was passing through their blood-brain barrier. "I ate them non-stop," one woman explained as she took a brief break from attacking a stock clerk. "They should have given us a chance to stock up!" another said. Stock clerks were still dazed about the fierce response. "I tried pointing out all the other kinds of hard candies," said one clerk, idly flexing his bandaged wrists as he spoke. "But they sneered at me! They said something about points...three candies equalled 1 point, or something like that."

Supermarket managers were more sanguine. "We lost a few stock clerks during the riots when Snackwell's introduced no-fat cookies," one manager reminisced. "But those were positive riots, not negative ones."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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