Written by Monkey Woods
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Saturday, 22 November 2008

image for Strictly Come Dancing John Sergeant Proposes To Kristina Rihanoff
No fairytale ending for Sergeant - he's already wed!

The ousted BBC Strictly Come Dancing contestant, John Sergeant, made his farewell appearance on the show tonight, and in a shock development, stunned viewers when he issued his dance partner, Kristina Rihanoff with a Proposal of Marriage.

Sergeant was thrown off the show earlier this week, after events threatened to get to Ridiculous Black Special Alert level with a Sergeant win looking likely, but returned tonight to taunt the judges with a typically brilliant put-down.

He thanked them for whipping up public support to a frenzied level, and paid tribute to Kristina, the gorgeous Russian, who John said was "the best dancer in the world".

His partner responded by telling the journalist:

"I admire you, I respect you, and I adore you!".

Then, in front of 50million television viewers, Sergeant produced a small box from his waistcoat, and went down on one knee, whereupon he asked the Russian beauty for her hand in marriage.

It was then that show host Bruce Forsyth, 91, reminded the old duffer that he was already married to Mary, his wife of 39 years, and that he has two grown-up children.

Sergeant apologised, and asked viewers to "keep voting" for himself and Kristina if they wanted to keep them in the competition.

John Sergeant and Bruce Forsyth are both senile.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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