Written by P.M. Wortham
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Topics: Paris Hilton, dating

Thursday, 20 November 2008

image for Paris Hilton Dumps Benji Madden: "He Wasn't Hot"
Young Dejected Benji Pulls Away from Ms. Hilton

Lasting longer that her usual "hook up", Benji Madden was kicked to the curb by Paris Hilton last night after an apparent argument over his first name, and his continuous wearing of that stupid black Fedora. What started as a verbal argument inside the New York hotspot "NoBu", escalated into a food fight between the couple as California rolls were tossed back and forth at the table. Ultimately the owner, Richie Notar, politely asked the couple covered in wasabi and soy, to leave the premises.

Moving to the streets, witnesses heard Paris yelling, "What kind of man has a dog's name as a first name anyway, and that hat? Give it up already. You're not Sinatra." Madden responded with "Like you're named after a hotel. An actual city in France, and a hotel in the city, which is perfect really because anybody who is anybody has probably slept there."

Passersby on the street stopped to watch the melee and heard one last verbal volley. "You're just not hot enough for me", Hilton said. Madden responded with, "And you're just a self-absorbed, shallow, camera hungry, insensitive cow". As Madden hailed a cab, Hilton was seen covering her face and the tears that were beginning to form. As the cab drove away she was heard to say, "I am NOT fat."

Friends close to Hilton reported that it did not take long for the starlet to recover from the evening. Choosing to stick with people that she knows, Paris plans to date one of the nephews from the famed Marriott family. A Hilton insider commented, "Hotel people are comfortable with other hotel people, and there's a good chance that they have all slept around." No official word on the next Hilton / Marriott merger, but it is sure to include several changes in bed linen.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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