Written by Monkey Woods
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Wednesday, 19 November 2008

image for Strictly Come Dancing John Sergeant To Host His Own Dance Show
Sergeant (left) and a partner prance the 'Lollop'

John Sergeant, the Strictly Come Dancing contestant who sensationally bowed out of the show - or was kicked out, depending on who you believe - had some good news to spread this evening, when it was announced he is to front his very own BBC dance show, Strictly Come Prancing.

The ex-journalist has wowed viewers with his own inimitable brand of, what has loosely been called, 'dancing', replete with hopping, skipping, jumping and lolloping, and has defied the judges every week by Sympathetic Public Voting.

His legions of fans could not save him, however, from the combined wrath of the Strictly bosses at the BBC and Gordon Brown's government, who discussed the saga of John's dancing survival instincts during Prime Minister's Question Time this week.

A series of behind-closed-doors meetings ensued, and today Sergeant 'resigned' from the contest.

Later though, BBC chiefs fired the shot across the boughs that Len Goodman & Co had feared - a new Saturday night teatime spectacular, an extravaganza of drunken dancesteps, chinless cha-chas, terrible tangos and woeful waltzes, 'performed' by an array of has-been media figures - some alive, some dead - with totally biased telephone voting from the public.

Commenting after the announcement, Sergeant unveiled his new catchphrase, saying:

"I can't dance, so I thought I'd prance! It's me new catchphrase!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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