Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Wednesday, 19 November 2008

image for Somali Pirates hijack the "Pirates of the Caribbean" ride; shots reported fired
Somali pirates meet their match with the "Pirates of the Caribbean"

Anaheim, California - Apparently bypassing the latest State-of-the-Art security at an amusement park which is the happiest place in the world, the Somali pirates gained access through an employee entrance, mistaken as underpaid foreign exchange students.

Once inside the world famous amusement park, they begin to loot and rob the attendees virtually unnoticed and unreported by their victims.

"We thought they were park employees," said Tom Andersen, vacationing with his family from Ohio. "They were dressed up like characters from the 'Pirates of the Caribbean' ride."

Remarkably, Andersen was not the least bit surprised when the Somali pirates began taking his money. In fact, a quick accounting from Mr. Andersen's money belt did verify that the Somali pirates stole less money from him than he paid out of pocket to genuine employees for parking, souvenirs and especially food and drink.

"And they were nicer, too," said Mr. Andersen. "My wife and kids even took pictures with them."

Of course, things took an ugly turn when the Somali pirates insisted on taking his teenaged daughter with them.

"I had to use my Mickey Mouse hat as ransom to get her back," said Andersen. "I know they got the better of me in the deal, but the wife insisted on the trade. I was bartering them down to the boy, but he tipped off his mother."

Security finally caught up with the Somali pirates in Frontier Land, standing in line for the "Pirates of the Caribbean" ride.

However, despite standing just a few feet behind the Somali pirates, security was helpless to arrest them.

"It's standing policy not to interfere with the magical experience of park attendees," later explained park security guard, Edward Martinez. "So we had no choice but to stand in line along with them."

One hour and forty-five minutes later, suddenly a couple of other Somali pirates appeared out of nowhere with a handful of express passes, leaving park security still standing in line waiting to get into the ride.

Another hour and forty-five minutes later security was finally at the front of line being seated in their boat, still in hot pursuit of the Somali pirates, according to Martinez.

"It was really dark inside," said Martinez. "So we lost them. I mean we couldn't tell them apart from the animatronic Caribbean pirates."

After drawing their taser guns at the recorded sound of crickets, suspended blinking points of light mistaken for fireflies and jumping out of their boat at the crash of fake thunder, mistaken for a gunfire, the security guards made their way through the remainder of the amusement attraction wading in the water.

All except for Martinez, who sat still stuck on the ride, unable to squeeze out between the safety bar space left behind by his vacated partner.

Suddenly real gunfire exploded between the Somali pirates and the animatronic "Pirates of the Caribbean" with Martinez helplessly strapped in as the ride continued.

"All the other security guards ran away," said Martinez. "I held up with the help of the real pirates, 'The Pirates of the Caribbean."

Mistaking Walt's animatronics as real pirates, the Somali pirates fully engaged "The Pirates of the Caribbean" with all guns firing, knives thrown and fists flung, until all were exhausted.

At the end of the hard fought battle, "The Pirates of the Caribbean" prevailed.

"All the Somali pirates were on the ship's deck. All lined up like ducks," said Martinez. "All tied, bound and cued up ready to walk the plank. All I had to do was put the cuffs on them."

"The Pirates of the Caribbean' is still the best ride in the park," says Martinez. "Just because, just because. Know what I mean?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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