Today Sir Paul McCartney claimed again that he wasn't living in the past. 'Not a second time!', he said, 'let it be. I feel fine, and your mother should know that all I've got to do, when I'm sixty-four, is don't ever change', though he's actually sixty-six. 'Don't let me down', he added, 'I'm so tired.'
The former Beatle has been reticent about his life and career with the 4 moptops until recently, but today he surprisingly announced that he was going to release a previously unreleased Beatles song, and even more surprisingly that it would be one of his own ones, and even more amazingly surprisingly that he would be appearing on lots of chat shows to talk about The Beatles again. 'All I've got to do is wait', he said, 'and then when I get home and I've got a feeling, well, in spite of all the danger it won't be long, and I'll get you as long as there's no purple haze or smoke on the water in my life.'
At this point his estranged wife Heather Mills said: 'Now you see what I had to put up with!' But Sir Paul said: 'I've written a new song, and would like to take this latest binge of self-publicity to play it to you, so here it is:
- 'Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away
But now it looks as if they're here to stay
Oh, how I wish Heather was in Guantanamo Bay
Suddenly, I'm not half as rich as I used to be
There's a legal writ hanging over me
Oh, yesterday came suddenly
Why she wouldn't go earlier I don't know, I told her not to stay
I never said nothing wrong, going to call my attorn-ay
Yesterday, Monopoly was such an easy game to play
Now I need a place to hide my cash away
Oh I believe in yesterday.'
What d'ya think?' 'It's crap', came a voice from the grave, 'you still can't write songs as good as mine!'