Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Monday, 17 November 2008

image for U.N. appoints Angelina-Jolie to Special New Post: "Wet-Nurse" Envoy to the Third World
Angelina-Jolie, special envoy to the U.N. to single-handedly to end all famine

New York, New York - In addition to her current responsibilities to the United Nations as its Goodwill Ambassador, the international award wining movie star/humanitarian, Angelina-Jolie, has just been appointed special "Wet-Nurse" envoy to the Third World by the U.N.

"Her new duties will include feeding all the children of the world, said a spokesman for the U.N. Secretary-General "Literally, she will feed all the children of the world. Single handedly, I might add."

"With her being in a constant state of pregnancy, she is the perfect candidate," said a U.N. pediatrician "And with the size of her mammary glands (breasts), she should have little to no trouble at all breast-feeding the hungry children of the Third World."

"We came up with the idea in a special late night secession," said a spokesman for the General Assembly. "It was called, "How Do We Keep Angelina-Jolie Hanging Around the U.N.'. Then the Security Council stepped in and took up the issue for consideration, taking all the credit. Those guys don't let us have any fun."

According to the U.N. General Assembly minutes, the Security Council personally called on Angelina-Jolie at her New York high-rise apartment, overlooking Central Park.

On a late night horse drawn carriage ride, the all male Security Council members made their proposal begging and on bended knee.

"It is said that Angelina-Jolie reluctantly agreed due to her already pressing responsibilities, future commitment to have more babies with Brad and her previously unreported back problems," said the announcer to the General Assembly at the U.N. "But it is official. We have her notarized signature attached to the agreement."

"She can't hold up those puppies for much more longer," said Angelina-Jolie's chiropractor. "I've advised her to stop having children to give her breasts a break, or undergo a breast reduction procedure, but she refuses. She insists on giving and giving of herself. What a humanitarian. What a pair of knockers."

U.N. officials would not release any details as to when Angelina-Jolie will begin exercising her new duties, citing security reasons; however, it has been confirmed that she will be provided her own C-30 cargo plane to carryout her humanitarian mandate called, "Operation Got Milk?"

"Her and Brad will take turns flying the decommissioned C-30 aircraft," said a spokesman for the U.N. "However, Brad will take the wheel allowing Angelina-Jolie to suit up in the back of the cargo bay, squeezing into her tight formfitting Laura Croft like jump suit she donned in the popular 'Tomb Raider' series."

Circling a small African village far below, Angelina-Jolie will then leap off the tail of the cargo bay and parachute into a hungry throng of mouthwatering orphans, filling up their bellies until that are swollen with her life sustaining ambrosia, say U.N. officials.

"Insertion is the easy part," cautions a U.N. Commander. "Extracting her from the village chased by full grown beast-obsessed men is the hard part and my job."

At last word, because Angelina-Jole forget to express the excess milk from her breasts as she was advised to do before making her jump, villagers in remote areas throughout the continent of Africa report milk raining down on them out of the sky.

"That will complicate my mission even that much more," said the U.N. Commander. "Because now everyone within a hundred miles of the jump zone will be able to track her from the milky white condensation vapor trail she'll be streaking across the clear blue sky. I just pray for nightfall soon. For her sake and all those millions of hungry orphans waiting a warm drink of milk before they go to bed tonight."

TWO HUNDRED YEARS LATER…

"So you see, Mobuku," patiently explains a father to his son, gathered around an open campfire under a canopy of stars. "That's why we call it the Milky Way."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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