Written by IainB
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Monday, 17 November 2008

image for Beatles to release new song
Absolutely does NOT need the money

Sir Paul McCartney revealed today that a previously unheard Beatles track is in his possession. The ten minute instrumental with a few moments of lyrics was created for an avant garde music festival, but it was decided that it was too rubbish to play even among the strangled cat guitar noises and electronic interference that made up the rest of the songs played at that event.

"It's got a catchy beat, like," McCartney said. "It was ahead of it's time really, and we decided that the time wasn't right back in '72. We thought about puttin' it on a CD when we put all the other stuff on 'em back in '92 when we were cashin' in, but John contacted us through Yoko, and said absolutely not. The world still wasn't ready."

Sir Paul said that he was fairly sure that the time was right now, and the world was now ready to hear the Beatles' futuristic song.

"It's got absolutely nothin' to do with Heather takin' all my cash," McCartney said, without being prompted. "I just realised that the world could handle the new song."

He was passed a guitar and asked if he could perform a bit. He was only too pleased to do so, and started strumming. After a few moments, he launched into the lyrics:

"Are you ready kids? I can't hear you! Ohhhhhh! Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Absorbent and yellow and porous is he! If nautical nonsense be something you wish! Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish! Ready? Sponge Bob Square Pants, Sponge Bob Square Pants, Sponge Bob Square Pants! Sponge Bob Square Paaaaannttss!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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