The Hollywood actress, singer and money-waster Lindsay Lohan is to have a special operation prior to her engagement to DJ girlfriend Samantha Ronson.
According to a tabloid daily newspaper, a close aquaintance of the lesbian couple, Jock Strap, who was on the other side of the street to their house with a telephoto lens and a long distance microphone, told the newspaper that before they make things official on the engagement side, Lindsay is to have a special operation to make their family life easier on their return to the USA.
Miss Lohan is entering the Geneva Consultancy in Zurich - because there isn't a Zurich Consultancy in Geneva where they were - to have a Strapadicktomy. This delicate operation aims to cut out the late evening domestic arguments between the two young ladies at home.
According to Jock Strap, when eavesdropping, he often heard them discussing 'things' where Miss Ronson would turn round and say to Miss Lohan, "Look Lindsay, I must be frank" to which Miss Lohan, stomping up and down in a strop, would reply, "Ah no. That's not fair. I wanna be Frank. I wanna be Frank.I wanna be Frank. You were Frank last night. It's my turn to be Frank."
However, having just become engaged, the couple are keen to stress to their younger fans that neither of them actually condone sex before marriage. Not that there is likely to be anything procreational about their night-time activities even after their marriage.