Written by Skoob1999
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Wednesday, 12 November 2008

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Michael Barrymore Promised To Stay Away From Swimming Pools.

ITV bosses today reacted indignantly regarding suggestions that the the soon to be run series of I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here is looking like a non-event before anybody even sees a jungle.

The line up of the impending show has provoked hoots of derision from the red tops, with accusations that this time ITV are really scraping the bottom of the barrel.

TV bosses however countered this argument by saying that a veritable who's who of showbiz legends had virtually begged to be included in the roster of stranded celebs.

Among them, allegedly:

Joe Dolci, 70's crooner of 'Whatsa Matter You, Gotta No Respect?' fame.

Leo 'Everybody Loves Me' Sayer, following his embarrassing departure from Celebrity Big Brother last year.

Scouse warbler Sonya, of 'I Think We're Alone Now' Fame. (Or was that somebody altogether different.)

Jim McDonald off Corrie, who was reportedly livid at not being included and said: 'These producers need to catch themselves on so they do.'

Jim 'Let's see what you would have won' Bowen, ex Bullseye host and butt of altogether too many Peter Kay gags.

Harry 'I'm no balder than I was three years ago' Enfield.

John 'I'm well controversial me' Lydon, who famously previously got pecked up by emus or something.

Samantha 'Page Three But A Self Confessed Lesbian' Fox.

Anthea 'There's A Brain In Here Somewhere Honest To God' Turner.

Mark 'Go To The Sahara Desert, Then Turn Left Or Something' Thatcher.

An ITV spokeskanaroo stated that the list of applicants was exhausting (sic) but went on to add that they'd probably settle for some WAG, a page three model, Ryan Giggs's ex, an ex copper with naturist leanings, and Kilroy Silk.

Or similar.

Oh, and they said that they might, if desperate at some stage throw into the mix, irritating twat, Timmy WACADAY Mallet and the arse hole out of Dollar to keep things interesting.

We can hardly wait. (suppresses yawn)

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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