Written by Frank Cotolo
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Sunday, 6 June 2004

image for McCartney offers new Beatles 'facts'
McCartney doesn't need to wear red to attract 'bull'

LONDON - Ex-Beatles member Paul McCartney said, "I tried heroin just once and didn't like it." McCartney repeated the statement a number of times in public before a few reporters heard him and decided to try to make some kind of news item about it.

Once he was sure he had the attention of at least six reporters, McCartney said that he liked cocaine for a while and took many other drugs like a lot of pop stars in the late ‘60s were doing. One reporter said, "We know all of this, Paul," and McCartney searched for new material to make news.

McCartney then said the song Got Get You Into My Life was "directly about pot, although everyone missed it at the time."

McCartney had to wake up the reporters and try to get their attention. He tried to do so by saying that the song Day Tripper was about LSD. But reporters were still hesitant to see the news value of what McCartney was talking about.

So Paul, desperate to get the reporters excited about doing a news report about him, said, "But what no one knows is that every song on the album Rubber Soul is about sniffing glue. And the magical mystery tour was a commentary on homosexuality."

McCartney said that he has at least two hundred other Beatles facts kept from the public for decades and he intends to use them in ten more Beatles-related projects that he hopes will generate millions for the two surviving Beatles.

From his home in Los Angeles, Ringo Starr said, "Whatever Pauly wants to do is all right with me. He was always my favorite, you know."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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