Written by P.M. Wortham
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Friday, 7 November 2008

image for Nude David Hasselhoff Leaves Impression on Florida Beach

Following a trend of former popular actors pandering to the paparazzi for publicity, David Hasselhoff was captured on video casually strolling nude on one popular beach in southern Florida. Making no attempt to hide his identity, Hasselhoff reportedly acted surprised when confronted by vacationing tourists and paparazzi alike.

One 62 year old female fan spotted Hasselhoff's body impression in the sand and pointed out the deep cylindrical hole at its midpoint. Photographers quickly took the cue and imaged what looked to be a penis impression roughly 2 inches in diameter and 16 inches deep. Immediately prompting questions about the source of the hole, Hasselhoff responded, "I'm sure I was dreaming about some former hot girlfriend, there were so many after all."

Long time paparazzi and web blogger Skippy Lytelopher commented to other reporters, "I've seen David in several men's rooms, like 160 of them, and there's no way he made that sort of impression. By the way, just to be clear, I'm not a stalker."

The incident follows a trend seen with other aging actors captured on film in questionable and sensational situations. Steve Guttenberg was allegedly filmed running naked through Central Park in New York last week. "It was a great way to generate interest by the media", says Lytelopher. "I've watched that MeTube video about 200 times already, but I'm not gay".

Leaving the Florida beach area after the Hasselhoff crown dispersed, reporters found a recently discarded zucchini in the trash bin near the lot where Hasselhoff's car was parked. It strangely matched the dimensions of the hole found on the beach. "There's no telling if the impression was really David or the zucchini, but a boy can dream" Lytelopher said.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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