Written by The Pharoe

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Topics: Los Angeles, wedding

Sunday, 6 June 2004

image for Jennifer Lopez Angry No News on Her This Week, Marries Marc Anthony
Not wanting to be overshadowed by Regan's Death, Lopez and Anthony Marry

Los Angeles - In a move that shocked no one, Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony married after weeks of denying anything more than a friendship. The wedding was apparently an attempt to get Lopez in the news for 183 consecutive weeks, a new record for a Latina in the United States. The JLo was quoted as saying "America doesn't want to publish any news on me this week? I'll show them." Anthony and Lopez married in a low key wedding with a few dozen guests. The wedding managed to cost the couple 40 million dollars due to the pure gold Lopez statues set as centerpieces with the inscription "My Love for Marc will be as genuine as your love for my ass".

Marc Anthony, the luckiest skinny Latino on earth, has been previously married to former Miss Universe Dayanara Torres. Therapist and annoying talk show host personality Dr. Phil commented on the likelihood the couple will stay married stating "obviously the man is hung like a horse, how else would the scrawny jerk have scored two of the most beautiful women on earth? I give them several years of unrelenting bliss".

A close friend of the couple said the couple is very much in love. "I have never seen Jennifer this happy and this in love since she married Ojani...or wait, was it when she was dating Puffy? No, when she married that dancer guy, what's his name? No, I mean when she was dating Ben. Or was it way back when she was sleeping with Tommy Motola? Anyway, she's very happy" the friend added.

The couple will reportedly live in Los Angeles, New York, and Miami, to ensure paparazzi across the country has equal opportunity to snap shots of the coupled smooching on the streets. No word yet if Anthony will change his name to Mr. Marc Lopez.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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