Written by Yogi Knows Best
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Monday, 3 November 2008

Bad boy Russell Brand ,who is on the heels of quitting his BBC radio show after an outcry of complaints about his indecent behaviour, has a new project. Brand is now the lead singer of a band called Heroin. The catch? Everyone in the band is a heroin addict.

Brand got the idea after having dinner with his past flame and baby mama Tanya Vece. Vece is the daughter of Motley Crue's bassist Nikki Sixx. They have the hair to prove it. Not only did Vece give Brand the idea, Vece plays bass in the band.

The two have 5 songs completed. Songs with titles including "Get your bloody hands off my copper", "We make old people cry", "Look at our hair, of course we're on heroin", "Bloody hot messes" and "Yeah we wrote books, now give us our spoons".

Both Brand and Vece have books due out this year but they say these projects will not delay their new band from touring. Courtney Love is on rhythm guitar and Scott Weiland has signed on with Brand's band to play drums. Most shows will start around 8pm. The tour's promoter begs people to show up on time as most of the band may nod off half way through their first or second song. The brothers from Oasis were scheduled to play with the band but decided it wasn't very Beatle like and shot the project down.

In breaking news Sarah Palin is opening for the band. Palin has a one woman show and performs as her alter-ego, folk singing star Freckled Beaver. Sarah's freckled beaver opens nightly for Russell Brand at 7pm sharp. Of course Freckled Beaver's character is highly addicted to LSD and most of her songs tend to be from the point of view of an out of touch with reality woman singing about being a fair-minded hockey mom who loves religion. Most opening acts are not the main draw for rock shows. Sarah Palin's freckled beaver insists everyone is welcome to come.

As a music critic, I highly anticipate Brand's new project. I get a glimpse of beaver and then a shot of heroin. Oh Russell Brand and your star fucker self promoting baby Mama Tanya, I can't wait to hear what ostentatious self promoting self branding songs you come up with for your next album!

Rumor has it the two of you are working on a book about the project together. I heard it is called "Itch, stories about our STDs" and is based on your lifes being media whores, star-f$cker whores, promotional whores and whores who market their former addiction for an all American payday.

America and the UK can't wait!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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