Written by JJ Jogolo
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Monday, 3 November 2008

image for Charlie Brown, Peanuts and MetLife Change With The Times
Kids react to new Peanuts episode

Laurie Metcalf of Roseanne fame is now the Chief media consultant for MetLife, the company that produces the Peanuts cartoon line. Ms. Metcalf has revealed that the Peanuts gang will altering the depth of issues that the Peanuts Gang deals with on their television specials. The show will now carry the "Parental Discretion Advised" disclaimer and parents may just wish to heed this warning.

For instance, Charlie Brown and the Peanuts gang make a new friend who develops leukemia in an animated special entitled, "Why Charlie Brown, why?"

Promotional testing began with MetLife putting out a series of instructional pamphlets which feature the Peanuts gang dealing with such issues as the loss of a loved one, writing a will, and dealing with a permanent disability. Now that Charlie Brown is dealing with important issues, MetLife wants to bring kids up to date with some Peanuts specials for the kids of the new millennium.

Ms. Metcalf has released some upcoming issues and titles:

  • We could learn about V.D. in, It Burns when I pee Charlie Brown.
  • Chuck and the Little Red-Headed Girl find out about unwanted pregnancy in, It's Blue, Charlie Brown!
  • Charlie Brown peddles his body for crack money while stealing Social Security checks and boosting automobiles in Go Blame Society Charlie Brown.
  • Is Linus gay? Find out in, It's a different kind of love, Charlie Brown
  • Explore the real problems of child abuse in America in, You made me do that, Charlie Brown
  • See how the Peanuts gang deals with date rape in, No means no, Charlie Brown
  • Discover a father's forbidden love in, It's our little secret, Charlie Brown
  • The Peanuts gang gets a lesson in Ebonics in, I'm-o butsa cap in yo ass, Charlie Brown
  • What goes on in the mind of a serial killer? Discover the inner workings of Pig Pen's twisted psyche and meet his murderous alter ego, Mr. Clean in, God tole me to do it, Charlie Brown

    It appears that Lucy's little psychiatric shack may need to raise her prices to help keep up with the times here too.

MetLife hopes to raise the conscientiousness of children and their parents through this new format which they assure watchers will remain humorous as well as dealing with the seriousness of each issue.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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