Written by Bill Skywalker
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Topics: Jonathan Ross

Saturday, 1 November 2008

Jonathan Ross, renowned TV broadcaster and serial pensioner botherer, has spoken for the first time over the Andrew Sachs prank phone call affair with Russell Brand that went tits up.

In the interview he slammed the BBC's decision for suspending him for 12 weeks. Yes, that means no more Friday Night with Jonathan Ross for Ricky Gervaise. In it he commented:

"I wank as one of the most influential TV personalities in the wowld. How could they sack me? 12 fucking weeks! My uncle got less when he pissed all over his workplace computer! But knowing the BBC they get in a wight old hissy fit for me scweaming down a telephone line! What I said was wong but I would weccomend it to any budding pwank phonecallers. Is there anyfing funnier than making prank phonecalls to a intirely innocent 78 year old man. I mean who hasn't scweamed sexual taunts at a granddfather? Me and my bwother Paul did it all the fucking time to my granddad and look where we are now!"

To which point the interviewer stopped him and said "you are serving a 12 week suspension and he's on satellite TV selling selling buggered up potatao peelers."

Ross's presenting duties at the BBC have been taken over by a various presenters. His Radio 2 show on Saturday afternoons will be taken over by Keith Harris and that duck thing he has his hand up his arse with, Film 2008 will now be presented by John Leslie and Friday Night will now be renamed Friday Night with Paul Gadd.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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