Teen sensation Miley Cyrus is related by blood to Vice Presidential hopeful Sarah Palin - so claims an expert in DNA.
Doctor Noah Awle from Columbia University secretly took DNA samples from the toilet stools of both women and compared them in his research laboratory.
"What I found was that, apart from both women having very smelly shit, they also shared an exact match in DNA", he boasted, "which means that they are family".
Unsubstantiated reports claim that Palin's now pregnant teenage daughter Bristol was actually a conjoined twin and that they were separated at birth. One child was brought up as the official daughter while the other was banished to Disney World where she eventually joined a children's tv show called Hannah Montana.
Pictures from the time show a man with a distinctive mullet and cowboy boots - resembling Miley's country singer father Billy Ray Cyrus - leaving an Alaskan hospital on the day of the Palin birth.
More pieces of the jigsaw slowly start to slip into place when it was noted that no Vice President with conjoined twins has ever slithered their way into office - which gives a very good and logical reason for the possible Palin maneuver.
It's also now speculated that Billy Ray Cyrus' song "Achey Breaky Heart" is an ode to the Palin daughter he never knew. Others think this is bullshit.
A series of mystery donations written on Disney checks have been flooding into the Palin campaign funds prompting further rumors that young Miley has not forgotten her old mama.