Written by P.M. Wortham
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Friday, 31 October 2008

image for Paris Hilton Designs New Cell Phone and Dangles a Participle

Hot off her recent Halloween bar tour, media princess and marketing expert Paris Hilton announced her plans for a new line of crush proof cell phones.

Fueled by the damage imposed from a passing truck on her accidentally dropped cell phone and speaking in third person about herself, Paris told reporters, "Smashed to pieces by that passing truck, Paris knew that she had to develop a new tougher phone for active women." Reporters were quick to spot the grammatical error, "Paris, you may have dangled a participle there." Paris responded, "I don't know what I dangled other than my cell phone, but I might have been drunk while crossing that street, so who knows."

Paris began meetings with Nokia Company to define a set of requirements for a crush proof cell casing with trim options that included diamonds and platinum accents. Engineers are planning to create a new casing out of Tungsten or Titanium, but production costs were estimated to be high. "So what", Paris responded. "My fans will buy it anyway."

Cell engineers have nicknamed the new phone "The tank" partly because of its weight, but also because it had supported the weight of a tank in testing. Hans Innherboks, chief design engineer says, "She should like the vibrate option too. We put in an industrial motor just for her."


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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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