Written by Monkey Woods
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Friday, 31 October 2008

image for Georgina 'Satanic Sluts' Baillie To Take Over Russell Brand Radio 2 Show
Baillie today looking radiant

Georgina Baillie, the 23-year-old granddaughter of Andrew Sachs, at the centre of the BBC prank calls row, has said she was "horrified and disgusted" by Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand's behaviour, just before it was announced by BBC bosses that she is to take over Brand's radio 2 show from tomorrow.

The burlesque performer today renewed her call for Ross to be sacked from his £18million-a-year post, and said that her family were speaking to police with a view to making a private complaint.

She said Mr Sachs - Manuel in Farty Towels - had been extremely upset by the calls, and did not now know where the kitchen was. She said:

"Grandfather is so upset. He keeps running around saying 'Que?' and acting like Manuel did! He's so confused, and hurt, of course. It's a tragedy. It'll take millions to get him back to how he was before these calls."

BBC bosses met yesterday to discuss the vacant position left by Brand's resignation, the remit being to offer the job to someone with equal talent, who would be able to command the same level of audience figures as the 'comedian' did.

The list of suitable candidates was endless, but, it was decided that, as Baillie had been the butt of the joke, she should now become the punchline as well, and she immediately accepted.

The first show goes on air tomorrow, but has already provided controversy after it was revealed that the BBC censor had cut three instances of the word 'cunt' from the transmission, and a joke involving the Pope and a heffer also had to be removed."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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