Written by Phil Edgar's Bones
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Thursday, 30 October 2008

image for O.A.P Ringo Starr was potential victim of Ross and Brand
Shaw Taylor says "Oldies do not give Ross your mobile number, be safe !"

Dotty old Ringo Starr 68, bravely, foiled falling victim to the deadly duo of Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand.

When 'Scouser' Starr appeared on Ross's programme, 'Friday Night with Jonathan Ross'. Millions saw 'sly' Ross begging and harassing the former, spritely Beatle for his private mobile phone number. The footage is available on U-tube. Ringo being a little bit hard, firmly said "No, I don't like you !" and wisely refused to hand over his number. Loveable, little Andrew Sachs was not so 'lucky' and fell foul of Ross's twisted games and manipulation

'A person who wasn't there speculates'

One observer who has no knowledge of any of the events stated " Ringo's recent behaviour of wanting 'no more' mail, now makes sense. Perhaps he was being harrassed by the Ross and Brand duo. He simply had enough of them writing filth to him. This caused him to get the 'oldgitis' thingy. You never know !"

Bruce Forsyth in danger ?

What we do know is that NO ageing star or celebrity is to give any numbers to Mr Ross. A DVD is being filmed, as we speak aimed at protecting 'older stars.'

'The cast of The Last of the Summer Wine in hiding from Ross !'

The DVD tells the older folk, how to refuse Ross's advances if approached for numbers and addresses. The new DVD is being presented by two legendary policemen, 'Shaw Taylor' and the inappropriately named 'John Stalker'. In the meantime older celebrities are being advised to tell a policeman or responsible adult if Ross approaches them for personal details.

Shaw Taylor said "Brand is unlikely to approach the old-folk due to his sleazy, shifty and unhygenic looking appearance. However, Ross is the blue-eyed, blonde haired, sicko next door and he has the ability to snare people into his trap. Ross is a very slippery villain and can 'get away' with anything. So I warn any body over 55 years old. Be safe and be careful ! Keep 'em peeled. Good Evening All !"

Ringo Starr is now thought to be consoling Mr Sachs, while simultanaeously tossing Andrew's letters of condolence in the bin.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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