Written by Monkey Woods
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Wednesday, 29 October 2008

image for Monkey Woods Is A Fucking Wanker, Say Jonathan Ross And Russell Brand
Fucking wanker!

The TV presenter Jonathan Ross and comedian Russell Brand have reacted angrily to stories published on satirical news website TheSpoof.com, and have labelled the delinquent author of the pieces, Monkey Woods, "a fucking wanker".

Ross, host of Friday Night With Jonathan Ross, said:

"Monkey Woods is a fucking wanker!"

Brand agreed, saying:

"Monkey Woods is a fucking wanker, innit!"

'Jonathan Ross Sacked Over Bestiality Allegations' - in which Woods slates the lanky interviewist by claiming Ross had relations with his pets - and the equally-brilliant, but far more upsetting 'Russell Brand A Fucking Wanker Says Andrew Sachs' , were viewed by, literally, dozens of people, and, according to Prime Minster Gordon Brown, were "inappropriate and unacceptable". The celebrity pair have now responded in kind to Woods' stories.

Brand and Ross insulted the Fawlty Towers actor Andrew Sachs during Brand's Radio 2 show on 18 October, sparking a public furore, and Woods' splendid retorts, above.

Since then, however, events have moved on, and the BBC pair have been suspended until a full investigation has been carried out by Beeb top brass.

Amazingly, Woods, himself, is now under scrutiny by TheSpoof.com owner and administrator, Sir Mark Lowton, and cannot write stories including the words 'Ross' and 'Incest' until a thorough investigation is completed.
This could take minutes.

Tonight, Woods publicly apologised for his "juvenile and thoughtless remarks", and said he bitterly regretted not having mentioned before, his own experiences, which, had he done so, may have served as a warning to Ross and Brand, and prevented the whole sorry scenario from ever taking place.

Sir Mark underlined the sensitivity of the situation, when he said:

"Monkey Woods is a fucking wanker!"

Make Monkey Woods's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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