Written by Monkey Woods
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Tuesday, 28 October 2008

image for Russell Brand To Read BBC Ten O'Clock News
BBC - make up your own acronyms

Russell Brand, the rude, disgraceful, disgusting, despicable dickhead who left offensive and inappropriate comments on Andrew Sachs voicemail, has been revealed as the new presenter of the BBC Ten O'Clock News programme.

The freakish Brand made his lewd comments during his Radio 2 show on 18 October, drawing more than 15,000 listener complaints. Video footage broadcast on the BBC showing Brand and Jonathan Ross 'performing' in the studio, portrays them both as a couple of dozy fuckwits, but, to the pair, this does not seem to matter.

Audiences queueing to see recordings at Broadcasting House today, were asked about the incident, and what they thought should be done about it. Older people waiting to see Alan Titchmarsh said they were appalled, and called for the two to be sacked.

An audience there to watch an edition of Never Mind The Buzzcocks, however, had a different view. Many of this group thought it had been "blown out of all proportion".

BBC bosses, meanwhile, saw the chance for more publicity, and awarded Brand his biggest break yet, when he was offered a contract reading the flagship Ten O'Clock News show, replacing Huw Edwards - the Welsh bloke with the twitchy lip.

After the news was announced, viewers jammed the BBC switchboard to complain. One caller said:

"This is a sign of what's happened to the BBC. It's gone downhill, very quickly. The BBC's stated mission is "to inform, educate and entertain", not to have two uncouth individuals spout filth down a telephone line to one of Britain's greatest living actors.

At the end of the year, I shall not be renewing my TV Licence."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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