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Thursday, 23 October 2008

image for Palin Mixes Musical Metaphors - Calls Scat 'Crap' at Black Musical Heritage Awards
Palin calls scat 'crap' at Black Musical Heritage Awards Show

Heebie Jeebies, Mississippi - In a brave attempt to woo Black voters away from Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama, Sarah Palin agreed to appear at the prestigious Black Musical Heritage Awards show.

Fresh from her recent appearance on Saturday Night Live, the Republican vice-presidential nominee explained herself as best she could.

"Hey, it's true that the polls show 99% of Blacks support Obama," admitted Palin. "But if we can pick up that other 1%, it would about double our total right now. Not bad."

Palin continued to proffer her rather vague logic. "There's bound to be a few Black Hockey Moms in Mississippi and even more Black Joe Six Packs. I'll be able to spot them in the crowd. You know, that girl who beat me in the 1984 Miss Alaska beauty pageant was Black. I think she's supporting Obama though."

This year's Black Musical Heritage Awards are set to honor the contributions and memory of great vocal jazz singers, including Ella Fitzgerald, Louis Armstrong, Cab Calloway, Jellyroll Morton, Sarah Vaughan and Betty Carter.

All of these great artists were well known for scat singing; vocal improvisation with random nonsense syllables or words to create melodies and rhythms, making an instrument out of their voice.

Scatman Scoobie Doo, organizer of the BMH awards, defended his decision to invite Governor Palin to be a presenter at the awards ceremony. Mr Doo explained it this way, "Bippity-bippity-doo-wop-razzamatazz-skoobie-doobie-bee-bop-a-lula-shabazz." And there's no arguing with that.

Not everyone on the guest list agreed with Scoobie Doo about the appropriateness of having Mrs Palin present at the BMH awards. Fellow presenter, Chakka Kahn feels that politics should be kept out of the awards ceremony.

According to Ms Kahn, "Chicka chong chicka chong, chicka chacka chooka chong/Chicka bop-dop choppin, de bow wow wow."

Atypically, Barack Obama had surprisingly little to say concerning Sarah Palin's guest appearance at the Black Musical Heritage Awards. "Do wah, diddy, diddy," said Senator Obama, adding "We didn't have that much scat singing in Hawaii and Singapore."

"There may have been one Muslim muezzin who used to cry out in scat from his minaret balcony, but he was gone one day and I never heard him or scat again," reflected Senator Obama.

To which Obama's running mate, Senator Joe Biden added, "Heidy heidy heidy ho!"

Unfortunately, when it came time for Sarah Palin to present the Black Musical Heritage lifetime achievement award to scat singer Bobby McFerrin, she strayed from the script and ended up in deep doo-doo.

Alaskan Backwoodswoman Palin shocked the audience by uttering, "They asked me here to present the scat award to Bobby McFerrin. Are you people nuts or what? Scat is crap!"

"Everyone in Alaska knows that moose droppings and bobcat crap is called scat. That's how we track them critters down and shoot them. We know our shit in Alaska."

Seemingly oblivious to the dead silence in the audience, Palin added, "Well, sure, we do make earrings out of moose droppings in Alaska, but that's just cheap tourist junk. I'm not about to give a pile of scat crap to a great musician like Bobby McFerrin. No way, José Six Pack!"

Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding, stars of the BBC hit comedy series, The Mighty Boosh, which uses scat-style crimping music excessively on their shows, were also on hand at the Black Musical Heritage Awards and were gobsmacked by Palin's incomprehensible remarks.

Wearing their classic giant penis and whale costumes, the satirical Mighty Boosh duo had this to say about Sarah Palin's guffaw.

"Puzzle piece, Puzzle pie, Find the piece of missing sky. Put it in the wrong place; jam it in the bear's face, Canadian landscape with the sky-faced bear, (growls) The jigsaw times."

Polls taken immediately after Sarah Palin's appearance on the live nationwide broadcast of the Black Heritage Music Awards show suggest that her scatological mix-up may have actually helped rather than hurt the Republican chances in the upcoming election.

Pollster Duke Ellington explained, ""Sti diddly doo bee stip stop steep till ya dope stop, stoodlee-dop a dee dah day/Sta doodly doodly doodly doodly doodly doop de dip, stoddle-a dope stop stay lo day dray."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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