Written by The Big C O Jones
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Thursday, 23 October 2008

image for 'Fu*k you Shatner'
'I can see you' - Shatner spying on event!

Over the hill fake space Captain James T Shatner today unleashed a torrent of abuse against his Star Truk co-star of too many years George Takeaway after the oriental sausage jockey told him to 'Stay the fu*k away' from his 'wedding' to long time bum-lover Had Allmen.

'I don't want that fat fu*k one-trick pony at my gay wedding' said Takeaway, 'although I really did want to spit in any food we gave him at the reception like the whole cast used to at meal breaks during the original Star Truk series and every related movie he's been in so far'.

Takeaway, who since starring as Commander Fruitloop has appeared in erm….Heroes, was determined not to let Shatner attend the ceremony. 'I put some of those sad bastar*s who go to the conventions dressed as Truk bad guys on the door with strict orders to do some space related nastiness to the useless c'nt if he showed his podgy face anywhere near the venue'.

Shatner was incensed at not being invited saying 'That cheeky little Jap shit-kicker - who the fu*k does he think he is, I am Admiral William Kirk, I am the whole Truk series'. 'I pity the fool' he said in a BA Baracus style voice, 'I didn't really know him at all…well apart from almost 50 years of working on Truk with him - he's a crazy little fuck*r who still hasn't forgiven the US for the WW2 and thinks marrying a yank is a way to defeat his enemy from within'

He then started speaking into a 'communicator' he had fashioned out of a cigarette packet and a pencil before the over-padded cult celebrity tried ruining the ceremony by dressing as TV cop TJ Hooker and trying to evacuate the building - unfortunately, the Klingon guards recognised the ridiculous quaffed wig he had borrowed from Garry Glitter and promptly shot him dead with a real home-made phaser rifle (those fans are crazy basta*ds).

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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