Written by Monkey Woods
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Saturday, 18 October 2008

image for Morrissey Arrested In Possession Of A Millwall Brick
Sgt. Bushwacker securing the crime scene

There was real controversy after the League One game between Millwall and Leeds United at the New Den this afternoon, when ex-Smiths frontman, Steven Morrissey was arrested by police officers in Los Angeles for carrying a Millwall Brick.

Morrissey, who since The Smiths, has been struggling with his solo career, was seen moping around LA last week, wearing a Millwall shirt with the word 'MOBSTER' emblazoned across the back of it.

He told curious journalists that he intended to travel to the game today, and to take his place amongst the hardened Millwall hooligan element.

Because Morrissey hails from Manchester, however, Leeds fans treated this claim with a ton of salt, and it came as no surprise when he didn't show up.

Millwall won the match 3-1, and later, Morrissey was seen in a bar on Santa Monica Blvd, brandishing the weapon, a rolled-up Los Angeles Herald, and acting in a threatening way towards other patrons.

Alice Simmons, 68, of West Hollywood, said:

"This guy had a newspaper, all rolled-up with a hard end. He shoved it up against my chin and said "I'll have you, Granny!" I was quite scared. Prick!"

Another drinker, Ernest Weiss, 106, told me:

"I seen this guy waving a paper around. He kept saying "Miwaw! Miwaw!" I thought he was having a seizure!"

The bar owner, Ronald Putz, called the LAPD who disarmed the singer before reading the news. Arresting officer, Sgt Don Bushwacker, said:

"We have an English guy in custody. Says he used to be a singer. He's singing football songs in a morose and miserable fashion. It's terrible to listen to."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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