Written by P.M. Wortham
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Topics: Madonna, Guy Ritchie

Wednesday, 15 October 2008

image for Madonna Dumps Ritchie, Nominated for Cougar Hall of Fame
Unattached and back on the prowl.

Madonna reportedly dumps another man on her way to the "Cougar" Hall of Fame. Director and producer Guy Ritchie who braved the marital waters with Madonna for five years, was one of the most successful holdouts in Madonna dating history.

While Madonna had become legendary for seducing men and then tossing them aside, Ritchie may have been Madonna's first real attempt at a long term relationship.

"Five years is forever in Madonna years", says Christopher Ciccone, Madonna's brother. "It's a wonder she lasted this long, she's due for some new pole".

Herman Emasculate, representing the board of regents for the Cougar Hall of Fame says, "Well Madonna was off our radar for a while, that's for sure, but now she's a strong candidate for 2009 induction."

Emasculate began to list Madonna's previous conquests which included; Mark Kamins, John "Jellybean" Benitez, Sean Penn, John F. Kennedy, Jr., Warren Beatty, Lenny Kravitz, Vanilla Ice, John Enos III, Dennis Rodman (No one could figure that one out), Carlos Leon, David Blaine and Guy Ritchie.

"And that covers just the men we know about, not the backstage victims that she used for one night and tossed them away, but that's OK, I'm not bitter", said Emasculate. "She also dumped Sandra Bernhard after a mutual rug munching romance so there has to be other women on her cougar list too, we just don't know who they are."

Madonna would have to go through the normal voting process by the board of regents of course, but Mr. Emasculate thought that she would be a strong candidate for the award in the spring of 2009. "The fact she dumped Ritchie in 2008 makes her eligible for this round of voting. Based on the comments from the other board members, she's a shoe in. Bitch."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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