Written by P.M. Wortham
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Thursday, 9 October 2008

image for Hefner Dumps Girlfriend, Scouts New Prospects at Band Camp
One Bunny Down, A New One to Follow

Long time Hugh Hefner girlfriend and former Playmate, Holly Madison, has been kicked to the curb after her rumored spit swapping session with mediocre Las Vegas magician, Chris Angel. Madison, along with two other "girlfriends" had been publicly joined at the hip with Hefner since 2001, starting with the filming of the hit TV reality series, "The Girls Next Door".

The 82-year old publishing giant wasted no time in searching for a replacement to the silicone bombshell, but reportedly told assistants to focus on high school band camps for new prospects.

When asked why he had decided to change his search tactics away from strip clubs to band camps, Hefner replied, "Well, I'm pretty interested in some of the girls from the woodwind section. They seem to have special talent. Besides, 'American Pie' was one of my favorite movies."

Hefner's further instructions included, "Just make sure they're 18 and cute. I'll furnish the peroxide, implants and gym membership."

Insiders from the mansion tell reporters that girls like Madison were, "just too old for Hef". "Holly Madison was 28. That's like, over the hill for a guy like Hefner." The source explained. "The dude pops Viagra like M&M's, he's gonna need a new model sports car to drive, if you know what I mean."

Chris Angel, famous for his disappearing finger trick, could not be reached for comment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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