Written by Ben Macnair
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Topics: Movies, Joe Pasquale

Monday, 29 September 2008

image for New Voice-Over Artiste to be Joe Pasquale
In a world without hope...

Following the death of the man famed as the voice at the beginning of film trailers, we can exclusively reveal that his replacement is none other than the squeaky voiced TV star, Joe Pasquale.

The award winning funnyman, and friend to the stars (Timmy Mallet and Christoper Biggins) 'I always felt that I was born into this world,' he said, gruffly. 'All of the time as a comedian I was sucking in more Helium than was purely healthy, I felt having a voice like that would be my comedy calling card. Those tricks I did on stage seemed so much better with me and my high voice, and the ladies, well the ladies loved it. But it ruined my voice.

'Now, I have this gruff voice which is really good for saying: 'In a world where fear rules as King, where humanity is scared to show its face, only one man can save us. That man is McGyver, fashioning lethal weapons from a lump of plasticine, a paper clip, and a drinking straw, you will find him, when we need him the most, and that time is now'.

'See, I don't need the comedy anymore, I will leave that type of thing to Cannon and Ball and Russell Brand. No, the world of straight to video action thrillers needs me now, and it is not a moment to soon. I still have bills to pay for all of that Helium you know'.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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