Written by Darwin
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Sunday, 28 September 2008

image for Gazza becomes Freddy
How Gascoigne could shape up as Freddy Krueger

Paul Gascoigne's fans are about to see him like never before - as horror movie villain Freddy Krueger!

The 41-year-old former England International is following fellow footballer and part-time chimney sweep Vinnie Jones into the acting business by donning Freddy's hat and metal gloves in a reboot of the Nightmare on Elm Street franchise.

Gascoigne, currently recovering after a 38-hour drinking binge with best friend and spiritual advisor Jimmy 'Five Bellies' Gardner was unavailable for comment. Director Wes Craven, who has also penned the film's script, believes that Gascoigne will make a great star.

"I'd never heard of Gazza before" admits Craven, "but the guy who works in my local liquor store has, and that's good enough for me. I took one look at his photo and knew he'd make a good Freddy."

Discipline could be a major problem on set. Gazza's notorious temper resulted in his being fired from Boston United after only 11 games in 2004, and in 2006 he found himself arrested after setting fire to his neighbour's pet dog.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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