Written by Phil Edgar's Bones
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Sunday, 21 September 2008

image for UK's Davina to auction her "after-birth" online
The winning "Ebay" bidder will receive large yellow "Drum-Full" of After-birth

Chronically pregnant British Celebrity Mum Davina McCloud (wife of fictional 70's TV Cowboy sleuth Dennis Mcloud) is to peddle her own after-birth on an online auction website.

"Sexy Lady"

The Gorgeous 49 year old hook-nosed mother of fifteen has responded to dozens of requests from the grateful British public to own a piece of "Davina". Davina shot to fame in the seventies in the made-for-TV drama "Macmillan and 'er indoors" a British version of the "un-entertaining" Macmillan and wife.

'Arfur Daley's 'es alright' was a very good song in the 1980's and can be purchased on Ebay for 49p.

The spin-off starred Davina and her on-screen "wide-boy" husband Arfur Daley. Davina reluctantly pulled out of the popular venture after her real-life husband Dennis McCloud threatened to "pop" a cap in "Daley's ass".

"Stuff from inside her for sale ! "

Stunning "Yummy Mummy" Davina has already sold two of her "perfect" kiddies for cash, stated yesterday " I am a very beautiful and talented woman, it doesn't bleedin' surprise me that people love and worship me. If I wasn't me I would want to be me, so I know that owning a part of me will fulfil everyone's desires and dreams"

"Moses was wasting his time"

Davina's agent explained "Davina is the equivalent to the biblical "Golden Calf" which the Israelites correctly worshipped, when their work-shy boss Moses sneaked of to chat with his mate "God"".

"Davina bigger than Beatles and God fact"

"While we shouldn't worship a mere mortal, Davina fulfils the role of "God" for most British people". He wisely added "God" was out of touch with the modern TV audiences and was "slightly boring".

"Bidders with more than three negative feed-back not welcome !"

The auction will run for 9 days on the internet shopping channel and the middle-aged sex-kitten's after-birth is predicted to fetch around £250,000 ($480,000 and 200 billion Indian rupees).

"Payment Option"

Davina will be delighted to take "Paypall", "Vista", "Western Onion" or "hard cash".

"Paypall Dispute can be launched after ten days"

A fawning spokesman from the internet site said "we are all very excited and if the winning bidder uses paypall, we will get a big cut, so please do. Paypall also protects the customer, so if the lovely Ms McCloud's after-birth plop is not all that you expected, you can claim your money back in a Paypall dispute".

"Davina is on your TV selling creams and stuff"

Viewers wanting to see more of Ms McCloud can see her each night on UK TV hawking something or another to her grateful British Public. Her husband McCloud has be seen repeatedly on TV for the last forty years. Usually after they have run out of Columbo or Quincy episodes to show.

"Columbo is far-fetched and Quincy is more realistic"

McCloud had nothing to say about his wife's latest venture. Adding "at least she is better than Macmillan's wife as she didnt even have a name". The sheep-skin coat, stetson-wearing cowboy added Macmillan's wife was a "whore" and "un-educated". In a unprovoked attack on the forgetable fictional TV character.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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