Written by Monkey Woods
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Topics: Art, Damien Hirst

Thursday, 18 September 2008

image for Damien Hirst To Hold Jumble Sale
Gladys so nearly became a work of art

Damien Hirst, the Turner Award winner and talented 'artist', is to follow up a recent Sotheby's auction of his best and most sought-after prize artworks, by getting rid of the rest of his shite in a Jumble Sale.

The 223-item lot raised over £111million, and included a zebra in a tank of formaldehyde, a foal in a tank of formaldehyde, and a bull in a tank of formaldehyde.

There was also a Black Sheep in a tank of formaldehyde and a Tiger Shark in, yes, you guessed it, a tank of formaldehyde. He might be good, but he's not very original!

Hirst also managed to sell Unknown Pleasures, the debut album by Joy Division, for £1.8million, which is a bit much for an LP.

Bristol-born, but Leeds-raised Hirst overstepped the mark, somewhat, in 1998, when his operatives commandeered an old lady, Gladys Ipcress, standing at a bus stop in London, and threw her into the back of an unmarked white van. She managed to escape outside a warehouse in Peckham, and when police raided the site later that day, they found the place empty, save for a waiting tank of unused formaldehyde,

The items unsold, and available for purchase at the Jumble Sale, include a butterfly in a smaller tank of formaldehyde, a housespider in a margerine tub of formaldehyde and an ant in a matchbox of formaldehyde. These are thought to have been part of the artist's earlier works, before he really got cracking with the big stuff.

He is also selling a black leather jacket, an Action Man, a Kerplunk set, some old jigsaw puzzles and his very first pair of Roller Skates.

The sale is on the beachfront in the North Devon resort of Ilfracombe on Saturday 27th September, starting at 11.30am. Tea and refreshments will also be available, reasonably priced from £100.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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