Written by Jalapenoman

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Friday, 12 September 2008

Ron White, member of The Blue Collar Comedy Tour (with Jeff Foxworthy, Larry the Cable Guy, and Bill Engvall) was arrested in Florida for possession of drugs and drug paraphernalia. White, alias Tater Salad, is most famous for his routines "You Can't Fix Stupid" and "Drunk in a Bar" and telling jokes about his wife and dog Sluggo.

When asked why he would have the items in question on his person, White asked for a scotch.

From the Los Angeles studio of Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader, friend and fellow comedian Jeff Foxworthy was surpised at the arrest. "Ron? Drugs? Cuban cigars, sure. Moonshine, you bet. What was the paraphernalia? A still? If he had marijuana, how was he supposed to do anything with it? He would have been too drunk to roll up his papers!"

When he was told of the arrest, another Blue Collar veteran Bill Engvall said that he was quickly mailing Ron a package. The outside of the envelope was too read "here's your sign."

Larry the Cable Guy could not be reached for a comment as he had announced plans to buy a new suit at Bass Pro Shop so that he could "look good and pick up women at the familiy reunion."

White was released the same day by the Vero Beach Police Department and managed to make an evening comedy show.

When it was learned that he spent most of a day in prison and was unable to purchase any alcohol, stock in Jack Daniels dropped fifty-three percent to close at a ten year low.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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