Written by Monkey Woods
Print this
Topics: James Bond

Monday, 8 September 2008

image for Three-Year-Old Girl To Be The Next James Bond
Agent Fido (SMERSH)

There was great excitement today as EON Productions, the owners of the James Bond franchise, announced that Bond is to become female, and that the next person to take the role of 007, will be a 3-year-old girl from Leeming, North Yorkshire.

The girl was plucked from millions after she displayed courage, determination and a distinct lack of respect for her personal wellbeing, when she plunged into a storm drain in Durham yesterday in a bid to capture a dog.

The boxer dog, a SMERSH agent, had been sucked into the overflowing drain, and, with a complete disregard for her own safety, she jumped in after it, and disappeared underground.

She was swept fully 50 yards (45.72m) through the subterranean channel, fighting the torrents of deadly toxic water, until she was eventually thrown out into the River Weir, swollen by recent heavy rain and flooding.

The girl can't be named, because the enemy will find out, and her cover will be blown.

She was asked if she wanted to be treated for hypothermia at the scene, but told rescuers that she hadn't got time for stuff like that, and ran off into the distance to find the enemy agent dog.

EON Productions executive Adam Nutmeg said:

"She sounds like just the sort of adventure-seeking actress we're looking for."

Part two: what happened next

Make Monkey Woods's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 2 multiplied by 5?

7 5 21 10
31 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more