Written by Elliott Peters
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Topics: TV, BBC

Saturday, 30 August 2008

image for BBC Bans Brian Blessed from Songs Of Praise
Brian Blessed during his role as a mute in a Shakespeare production

The BBC were facing embarrassment today when it announced that actor Brian Blessed had ruined an entire edition of "Songs Of Praise" at a recording that was due to be transmitted this Sunday. The BBC had to remount the entire service costing license payers a ridiculous amount of money.

This long running show is very popular with Church leaders since visiting BBC cameras are guaranteed to result in a full church because people simply want to be seen on TV. It is broadcast at the same time as the UK Top 40 show so viewers can mute the TV show and sit in amusement as churchgoers appear to be singing hits by the like of R Kelly, Britney Spears and whatever nonsense is currently in the charts.

It has a policy of featuring occasional celebrity presenters and being a devout Christian, Brian Blessed (71) was invited to host the show.

Producer Dick Heddley said - "It was a disaster. We forgot that Mr Blessed has forgotten how to talk. All he can do is shout, shout and shout. Whatever Brian does these days, all he does is shout. Remember his role in the first series of "Blackadder"? That's exactly what Brian is like... what a headache!"

Mr Blessed (unavailable for comment) caused total embarrassment when during a recital of Psalm 67.9 he was heard to bellow "I'm busting for a shit! Where's the khazi?". Producer Heddley said "I could had died with severe embarrassment... even the Vicar turned a delicate shade of green at Brian's inquiry because it was so goddamn loud!"

The BBC issued an apology to everybody who were present and they were invited to a remount of the entire service where to replace Mr Blessed, they hired ex pop singer Gareth Gates. They also announced that Brian Blessed was now banned from a whole range of shows he was due to guest on including coverage of Snooker, Bowls, Mastermind and The World Chess Championship.

A spokesman for the BBC told us, "Brian is an extremely gifted actor but sadly it appears his loud voice renders him unsuitable for progams of a more topical nature."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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