London-- The Material Girl began her nightmarish tour in London last night to a packed house at Albert Hall. The flabby, fifty-something talentless starlet had something either stinky or sweaty for everyone to gag on. Most of the audience was either vomiting or demanding their money back by evenings end.
The gyrating geriatric came on stage in a clingy, black nightie. Sagging, pale white flesh shone in the spotlight. Her drooping and flaccid ass displayed more wrinkles than Mick Jagger's face. Most everyone in the audience burst out laughing at the has-been hooker.
"Ewwww! Now I know what Granny looks like nude!" laughed former fan Sean Noone, aged 24. "I want to throw-up!"
Madonna tried lip-syncing to one of her minor hits from decades ago but she forgot all the words. No one noticed anyway. She had a few hits of Geritol and tried rotating her hips but only succeeded in breaking them. She has suffered from osteoporosis and Alzheimer's Disease for years.
The 'concert' ended moments later because Madonna had to be in bed by nine 'o' clock. The furious crowd threw rotten tomatoes at the spirochete-sucking senior citizen.
"Thank-you for coming to the show." mumbled the legendary slut through her dentures. She left the stage in a walker, hopefully for the last time.