Written by Elliott Peters
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Monday, 25 August 2008

image for George Michael's Latest Final
We tried to photograph Michael backstage but he fled and all we got was this to suck on...

Gay pop phenomenon George Michael has just performed the first of two "final" concerts at Earls Court in London with a third "final" gig labelled as "The Final One" in Copenhagen. However, a consortium of fans of his 80's pop duo WHAM have gathered together via the combined forces of Facebook and Myspace to sue Mr Michael for "fraud".

Spokesperson for this consortium issued this statement:

"In 1986, George Michael broke the hearts of millions of pop fans worldwide by breaking up WHAM. They released an album called "The Final" and did a final performance at Wembley. Now, 22 years later, we are disgusted that Mr Michael is regurgitating the same trick, again claiming that he is doing his final shows.

"Whilst we wish him well, what has gotten up our backs is the fact he is calling these gigs "The Final" and yet he is not playing anything off said album. We are sad that George has become a one trick pony, tricking WHAM fans into shelling out good money to see shows where he ignores that album we all love.

"Therefore we have no alternative but to sue for compensation on two counts... 1 - For lying to us back in 1986 and 2 -For duping us in 2008."

The Consortium has a valid point. "Final" means "final". Never again. Yet how many times has Michael said it was his final album, final gig and final video? He claimed to had made his "final video" in 1990 and took the unusual step of hiring models to appear instead, so he could sit back behind the camera with a spliff and his boyfriend and do nothing but watch the money roll in. He reneged on that because within a few years this bearded moron's ego got the better of him and he began appearing in his own videos again.

In the world of popular music, it appears that "final" is a word used for dramatic effect. Back in 1976, Gary Glitter embarked on his final farewell tour which sold out, and yet a year later, he launched his first of a great many "comeback" tours which became an annual event. So, what are the chances then that George Michael will "finally" live up to his word and pack in his stupid game?

They are not good that's for certain. Already he's boasted about a new "christmas single" which again makes a mockery of that anthem he wrote "Last Christmas". So what's this one gonna be called "Come Back Christmas"?

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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