Written by Elliott Peters
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Friday, 22 August 2008

image for Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty Sing "Welcome Home" To Gary Glitter
Glitter forgot to take his razor to Hong Kong

Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty have just recorded a single for immediate release. They have covered the 1973 number one hit by Peters and Lee - "Welcome Home" and with the expected outcry from the British media to help it along, it is expected to be number one this Sunday.

However, the outcry will not be over the fact that Winehouse and Doherty are renowned untalented smack addicts, but the fact that "Welcome Home" is a tribute and message to paedophile rock star Gary Glitter who has just returned to the United Kingdom after a bizarre tour of airport lounges in Asia where Gary treated immigration officials and police officers to brand new renditions of his old hits such as "I'm The Lounger Of The Lounge I Am", "A Little Boogie Woogie In The Back Of My Mind" and "Oh Yes, I'm Beautiful", not forgetting the notorious "Do You Wanna Touch Me Yeah".

Amy Winehouse who is no stranger to publicity said "Pete and I have been having a rotten time with the British media. They report on everything we do and we are having serious problems scoring our next fix of gear on which our lives depend. We figure that the return of Gary Glitter will take all the media attention and persecution away from us so to show our gratitude we thought the least we could do was pay tribute by way of thanks to Gary. Thanks Gary... we will sure get neatly out of our brains thanks to you coming home. Welcome back Gary!"

The single was recorded last night at Pete Doherty's home from where they made their famous YouTube video of them shooting up the blood of baby mice. Winehouses' manager William Anker and Doherty's agent Thomas Watt have created a record label especially to release this record called Needless Records... or at least we think it is needless.

Dianne Lee of Peters and Lee said she "couldn't care less" about her old number one hit being resurrected. "It will be nice to see my song back at number one again especially since when it was number one back in 1973, Gary Glitter was the biggest pop star around and to outsell him was an amazing achievement, so it's nice that the song has now become a tribute to him" Her blind singing partner Lennie Peters was unavailable for comment which is no real surprise since he has been pushing up daisies for the past few years.

Not everybody is happy with Glitters' recent tour of airport lounges and return to Britain. It has provoked fury and scorn from the reformed AOR rock band Asia, who this morning released this press statement.

"We are disturbed by the fact that the name of our band Asia has been abused by somebody like Gary Glitter in conjunction with the world media.

We are unhappy that the media has been using the name of our band in association with a kiddie fiddler like Glitter. We have a brand new album of which we are very proud but this adverse publicity and resultant confusion has resulted in a drastic drop in sales. We would be very grateful if the Media would kindly refrain from using the name of our band in any articles and reports about Mr Glitter. We are depending on our new album for our pensions and are furious that Glitter has helped kill sales. It's now looking likely that Steve Howe will have to reform Yes and Geoff Downes will have to reform The Buggles to compensate for the losses."

Pete Doherty and Amy Winehouses' exclusive release of "Welcome Home" is now available at a dealer near you.

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