Gary Glitter, the ex-Leader of the Gang, arrived back in Britain last night, and was met at Heathrow Airport by hordes of screaming fans asking if they could touch him 'there'.
Glitter, real name Paul Gadd, was released from jail in Vietnam on Friday, after completing his prison sentence for Poor Musicianship, a crime he has always denied.
At an impromptu news conference, he revealed that his new album, Gary Glitter's Greatest Conquests will be out on Friday. The album includes new songs Bend Over, Son and Filthy Old C*nt, as well as hits/shit from his shady past.
Sporting a toussled white beard full of lice, Glitter promised fans he would reward their loyalty by embarking on a UK-wide tour, so if he does, and anyone sees him, I implore you to let him know what you think about popstars touching-up young boys.