Written by Fergus McCarthy

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Friday, 24 October 2008

image for Stereophonics front-man Kelly Jones confesses to picking up man in nightclub high jinks shame
Joey Barton.

Kelly Jones, lead singer and top hair stylist with the Tom Jones international tribute band, the Stereophonics has admitted to picking up men in sordid and seedy nightclubs, often very late at night at times when he really should be tucked up in bed with a bottle of Jack, a couple of groupies and a bottle of salad cream.

Jones reacted badly to journalists questions as he arrived at a hotel in central London this afternoon and responded angrily to accusations that he was a closet homosexual addicted to cruising late night drinking dens in search of male companionship.

"Lissen eya big lad, call me a gayboy one more time an I'll av my minders kick the s**t out of you isenit like shag? We were just having a laugh."

Mr Jones was captured two nights previously on cctv cameras in a Newcastle nightclub, standing up close and personal behind a heavily set shaven headed man moments before he wrapped his arms around the mans chest and lifted him several inches off the ground.

Frank Whitehead 37, witnessed the bizarre event.

"Ah cunt believe it man! Ah wur jus stannin there rye?" Mr White attempted in broken English. "An this blook ry, walks ry, up beyind im ry, and picks im up man an shouts "Fourteen stone three!" an runs of like!

"It wor Joey Barton like man ya nah? Annam like "Joey Barton!" Did'nt even scratch im like ya nah? put im down real gentle like?

"A jus cunt believe it like ya gnaw!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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